


What if?

by mohinikapuahi



Series: Season 4 codas [1]
Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-01
Updated: 2013-10-01
Packaged: 2017-12-28 03:36:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 860
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/987193
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mohinikapuahi/pseuds/mohinikapuahi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steve has some time to wonder what if</p>
            </blockquote>





	What if?

**Author's Note:**

> Coda for episode 4.01

Steve leaned back into the sofa, his body hurting enough that he was not quite able to fully relax. His ribs ached, but he was self-aware enough to know that they were no worse than bruised. His face stung in places, but at least Danny had cleaned him up before they arrived at the bar. By silent agreement they had all slipped into a booth like corner, Cath making good on her promise of beer. Chin had stayed for a round or two but had left keen to see to the restoration of his tech table. The others had stayed in place, all three on the one sofa, tucked loosely together like they couldn't really bear to separate any further.

There was no where he would rather be than here with his family.

It didn’t matter that he hurt; all that really mattered was that his family was still alive. So here he sat, his thigh pressed against the length of Cath’s on one side, Danny’s shoulder rubbing against his on the other. He forced his body to relax, to sink deeper into the sofa, absorbing the life on either side of him, as if it was the force that kept him tethered to life.

His heart had almost stopped beating when he had heard the threat to Cath’s life. She was in danger because of him and he couldn't let anything happen to her. Every other time he had faced similar situations his family had died. He let his head fall back against the cushions and watched them from under heavy lashes. The two people he loved most in the world were rapidly becoming good friends themselves. He watched as they talked, inconsequential little things that weren’t important, but united them. Chuckling over something that had happened in the field, Danny lifted his hand and Cath high-fived him over Steve’s prone form, one laughing huskily, the other a tinkling chuckle as she leaned back over and lifted her Longboard from the table.

Steve’s eyes followed her movements, his mind trapped in the conundrum that he hadn't realized until today was eating him alive. He loved Cath. She was smart and beautiful and he knew that she loved him, but when they were together it just wasn’t quite enough. It was wrong and deceitful on more levels than he could even begin to name, but it was how he felt. There was no doubt in his mind that he loved her, she was important to him and she was the perfect candidate for a wife for him, but something wasn’t right. She leaned towards him, her beer bottle pressed against her lips as one strong yet delicate hand reached across to brush gently across his forehead, her eyes filled with concern for him. He smiled tiredly at her, his eyes sad as he watched her forehead furrow in confusion before she turned her attention back to Danny. Even now he knew that what she deserved could never really be.

If he was completely honest with himself he knew the reason why.

Danny was his life. 

There was only one problem with that. He could never tell him.

He really hadn't understood what it was that was between his partner and himself until the incident with the bomb. He hadn't left Danny’s side, even when Danny had begged him to go for Grace’s sake. He couldn't. Without Danny Steve was just a cold, emotionless shell. Danny right from Day one had cared enough to push and prod and cajole Steve into opening up. No. Not opening up. He had burrowed his way in. To be honest it hadn't been all that difficult for him. Steve had been smitten from the moment that Danny had refused to back down and had stepped up and punched Steve. Sure, he’d had it coming but that punch had been everything to Steve. A promise, a threat and a reason to believe again. Little by little Danny had become the Sun that Steve’s universe revolved around. Sure there were other planets in this little universe, but Danny was the Sun, burning brightly, sustaining his life and future.

Steve knew that Danny felt something for him. He saw the interested glances that Danny thought he was hiding, the lingering hand on his back, the way his eyes followed Steve whenever they were in danger. He couldn't help his own propensity for shirtlessness as he watched Danny’s fascination with his bare skin. He knew there was something there, but Steve could not take that first move. Even if it meant that he was missing his own personal nirvana, he just couldn't do it. What if he was misreading Danny, what if he liked to look but didn't want to touch. What if Steve had just misunderstood? He would not jeopardize what they had now. What they had right at this very moment was far too important to Steve to throw it away on what could be.

Instead, Steve sat here his head thrown back against the sofa watching the two of them and praying that he could keep them both in his life without breaking either of them.


End file.
